Listen up, Girl Guides, because this one is especially false: Zombies only care about your satisfaction. All BZ poachers should be exiled to the wilds of suburbia and made to exist on vending machine Spam and cream soda.Īnd while you’re feeling morally superior to bzomb stealers, don’t forget to check out Love in the Time of Zombies, a dating adventure from my cub reporter days before I became the undead-dating experts you know and love. The disadvantages: Having to live with your immoral, unethical selfĬonclusion: Women who steal other women’s boyzombs are unscrupulous creatures who don’t deserve to live in a principled and civilized society. The advantages: All of the benefits of a fully domesticated zombie with none of the effort or expense What it entails: Meeting a fully domesticated zombie who is already in a relationship, luring him with tempting brain treats when no one is looking and taking him home Method 4: Stealing Another Woman’s Boyzomb
Poaching is a reprehensible betrayal of sisterhood and the fourth way in our series on how to meet a zombie. It might be the truth, it might be a case of grass-is-always-green-itis, but for some women the only boyzomb that will do is the one on another woman’s arm. Zombies! They’re abundant and available and yet you can’t help but feel all the good ones are taken. Your zombie boyfriend won’t mind because he doesn’t have one.Īnd while you’re savoring the results of a successful hunting expedition, don’t forget to check out Love in the Time of Zombies, a dating adventure from my cub reporter days before I became the undead-dating experts you know and love. You can move him into any position you’d like without mortification. This sort of discretion is unnecessary with a zombie. This method allowed you to avoid a potentially humiliating conversation. A commonly suggested technique advised silently moving your partner’s finger to the prescribed place. According to women’s magazines from the latter half of the twentieth century, few things were more awkward than telling a partner where the clitoris is. The best part? There’s none of the embarrassment reportedly attached to showing an unzombified human male where it is. But once you make it known to them, they’re able to apply themselves accordingly for as long as you require. Like the majority of human males throughout history, zombies are oblivious to the charms of this sensitive little nub. To be fair, this one actually is true: Zombies can’t find the clitoris-at least, not on their own.
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